Sibling relationships can be complex and this is especially when sensory processing differences come into play. When one or both children have sensory needs; whether they seek out stimulation or become overwhelmed by it; family dynamics can become more challenging. Not to mention when parents also have sensory needs. Encouraging a positive sibling relationship requires very intentional strategies, support, and a shift in parenting techniques that build confidence and emotional regulation. Parenting neurodivergent children requires a deeper understanding of their unique needs, more patience in guiding their emotions and a commitment to creating strategies that support their growth in a world that may not always accommodate them. As caregivers, it’s equally as important to prioritize regulating our own emotions because our children look to us for stability, reassurance, and modeling of healthy self-regulation.
Encouraging Positive Interactions
- Teach Boundaries Early – Reinforce that "no means no" in play, personal space, and conversations. Practice consent-based interactions, so both children learn to respect each other’s limits. We really like the boundaries song here.
- Model Respectful Communication – Instead of focusing on stopping negative talk, show what positive interactions sound like. For example, "I hear that you're frustrated. Can you say what you need in a way that helps us understand?"
- Set Clear Expectations for Conflict Resolution – Guide kids in solving their disagreements rather than stepping in with frustration. Teach them to take turns talking and work toward a solution together. Reminder: Thisu will take a lot of patience and repetition.
Building Confidence in Each Child
- Use Strength-Based Praise – Instead of only correcting behavior, recognize strengths: “I love how you kept trying even though that was tricky!” This helps both children see their value.
- Separate Your Feelings from Their Behavior – Children shouldn’t feel responsible for managing a parent’s emotions. Avoid praise that ties their worth to how it makes you feel, such as “You made me so happy by being good today!” Instead, focus on their effort and growth: “You worked really hard on that. I’m proud of your perseverance!” This helps kids develop confidence in themselves rather than seeking validation through pleasing others.
- Avoid Labels and Comparisons – Even well-meaning statements like “You’re the smart one” or “You’re the dramatic one” can create self-doubt. Instead, highlight individuality: “I love how creative you are!”
- Encourage Independent Decision-Making – Allow kids to make age-appropriate choices, whether it’s choosing a snack or picking an outfit, to foster confidence in their abilities.
- Be Mindful of Talking About Them in Front of Them – Kids are always listening, even if they don’t respond. Avoid discussing their behavior—especially struggles—while they’re present, like saying, “He always has a meltdown over the smallest things” or “She’s so dramatic about everything.” This can shape how they see themselves and make them feel ashamed. Instead, address challenges privately or reframe discussions positively, focusing on their strengths and growth. Instead, try offering positive reinforcement when they’re present or within earshot, like saying, “I love how creative she is when solving problems” or “He’s been working really hard on staying calm,” which helps build their confidence and self-perception.
Addressing Sensory Needs Without Shame
- Recognize Sensory-Driven Behavior – If a child is rough with their sibling or struggles with personal space, consider whether they are seeking sensory input. Offer alternatives like squeezing a stress ball, using weighted lap pads, or engaging in deep pressure activities like body squishes.
- Create a Regulation Routine – Daily sensory breaks, such as jumping on a trampoline, chewing gum, or using resistance bands, can help balance sensory needs and reduce frustration.
- Validate Emotions Without Dismissing Them – Even if a reaction seems exaggerated, acknowledging feelings builds emotional intelligence. Instead of “You’re fine,” try, “I see that you're upset. Do you need a break or a hug?”
Fostering a Different Parenting Approach
- Shift from Authoritarian to Connected Parenting – Instead of focusing on punishment, guide kids through problem-solving. If a child lashes out, address the root cause rather than just the behavior.
- Use Positive Discipline – Rather than shaming, redirect with logical consequences: “I see you're struggling to be kind. Let’s take a break and try again when you're ready.”
- Show Unconditional Support – Even when behavior is difficult, remind kids they are loved: “I’m here to help you through this.” Feeling secure in their parents' love allows kids to regulate emotions more effectively.
Recommended Reading
This post contains Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.
“Siblings Without Rivalry” by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish – https://amzn.to/43pyROy
“How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” by Joanna Faber & Julie King – https://amzn.to/4konKeD
“The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson – https://amzn.to/4bwybZK
By making small adjustments in communication, discipline, and sensory support, parents can help siblings develop a healthier, more connected relationship—one built on mutual respect, confidence, and understanding. At Little Lyves, our goal is to equip parents and caregivers with the tools and encouragement needed to support their neurodivergent children with love, patience, and practical strategies that foster growth and connection.
